Six Phases of a Construction Project:
4) Search For The Guilty
5) Punishment Of The Innocent
6) Praise & Honors For The Non-Participants
Directory of Construction Terminology:
Contractor - A gambler that never gets to cut, shuffle or deal.
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering why he's left out.
Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under personal control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and
baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date - The point where liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor - A person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer - A person who goes in after the auditors and strips the bodies.